Letter From Paris

By Harriet Welty-Rochefort

Paris Kiosque - May 1997 - Volume 4, Number 7
Copyright (c) 1997 Harriet Welty-Rochefort - Used with permission.

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The tourist season is in full swing and as I watch the hordes descend on Paris, I remember how desperately, in my first years here, I wanted to "look French", to be French, to fade into the walls so no Frenchman could suspect that I was what I am: a woman from Iowa.

How, I asked myself, could I pull this seemingly impossible stunt off?

I decided to check out the Parisians and simply imitate them. My careful observations led me to a few general conclusions about Parisian men and women and how they act:

l. Parisian women dress to beat the band. It's subtle. For example, as a general rule no self-respecting Parisian woman would be caught dead in tennis shoes and especially not tennis shoes and a suit. If you do see a Parisian woman in tennis shoes, you can bet your bottom dollar she'll make them look trés chic. So rule number one (for a woman) is: check out what you've got on your feet - if they're clodhoppers, you've just given yourself away!!

2. Parisians smoke to beat the band as well. To look and be Parisian, light up!

3. Parisians don't smile - or at least not the way we do in the Midwest. To look like everyone else, you must assume a pouty, smouldering or haughty expression. My husband is a perfect Parisian. He's a really nice guy with a huge heart but to look at the expression on his face you would never know it. When we walk down the street together, Big Smiley Face (me) is the one who gets asked for money, directions, etc. - no one ever even approaches Mr. Parisian Glare.

4. Parisians speak in a confidential way - they are used to being in cafés and restaurants where tables are close together so they converse in hushed tones. (I used to think that all these sophisticates were discussing Camus or Sartre until my French became good enough. Then I realized they were talking about things everyone talks about - kids, school, their dentists and their next vacations.) If you try lowering your voice a few octaves, you'll be astounded at how Parisian you suddenly become.

5. Parisians don't dawdle over restaurant menus. By the time the waiter gets there, they know what they want and order fast.

6. Parisians take their dogs to restaurants with them. No comment (although I am seriously thinking of inviting my French cat to a restaurant with me someday just to see what would happen...).

I made a lot of other observations which would fill an entire book (so I'll spare you) and even made headway into accomplishing some of the ways to fool the Parisians into not suspecting I was an Innocent From Iowa (at least, not until I opened my mouth!). I never wear tennis shoes "en ville", I lower my voice in cafés and restaurants, I order fast. Sometimes I even manage to wipe that friendly Midwestern smile off my face.

OK I'm behind on the smoking and the dogs. But I've only been here 25 years There's still plenty of time.

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Harriet Welty-Rochefort, a bona fide Midwesterner from Iowa, visited Paris for the first time while in college. She became so completely enamored of France that she stayed - and has been there ever since. Married to a Frenchman and the mother of two Franco-American boys, Harriet Welty-Rochefort writes on business, lifestyle and travel for major U.S. publications. Her book - French Toast - is a lighthearted look at French manners and mores. Online orders as well as telephone/fax orders (1-800-387-8992 in the USA only) are possible. It is also available at all major English language bookstores in Paris. Writes Leslie Caron: French Toast includes the most delightful barbs at France's subtle but deep-rooted codes of behaviour...I read the book on the EuroStar between Paris and London and wished the train had not reached its top speed of 300 kph! Harriet can be contacted at 101676.467@compuserve.com.