Letter From Paris
Paris Kiosque - March 2002- Volume 9, Number 3
Copyright (c) 2002 Harriet Welty-Rochefort - Used with permission.
In my last Letter From Paris, I talked about the raving success of "Amélie",
the French film that has so delighted audiences on both sides of the
Atlantic and is a leading candidate for best foreign film at the Oscars
March 24. It's obvious to anyone who's seen the movie, which just triumphed
as best picture at the Cesars, the French equivalent of the Oscars, that no
one but a French woman could have so luminously played the role of the
puckish, whimsical, touching, tender, clever,and absolutely charming Amelie.
Thinking about "Amelie" got me to thinking about just what makes French
women so special. But first, I should qualify "French woman", by stating
that I'm referring to a very special breed - la Parisienne. She's the one
we think about when we say "how do those French women eat so much and stay
so slim?" and "how can they have so few clothes and look like they have a
thousand different outfits ?" and "how can they look so incredibly chic
when they wear hardly any make-up and their hair is all tousled and
tangled?"
For the answers to these and other questions about the intriguing French
woman, read on!!
Why so special ?
For most people, the Parisienne represents the quintessential French woman.
She is slender, feminine, self-confident and, especially, has a certain je
ne sais quoi that leaves everyone wondering what it is she has that other
women can't seem to get no matter how hard they try.
It is, in fact, this mystery which makes her so special and why it is so
aggravating not to be able to capture what it is about her that makes her
the way she is. Even if you try to deconstruct the Parisienne, analyze her
make-up or her hairdo or her outfit, you still won't get to the heart of it.
You won't be able to take all the various elements, apply them to yourself,
and become a Parisienne. For the Parisienne is a combination of everything
she puts together =AD in her own personal way.
She is, of course, part myth. You only have to ride the metro or take the
bus in Paris to conclude that this mythical Parisienne is not to be found
everywhere. You can find Parisiennes in the metro but the metro is
definitely not filled with Parisiennes.
Still, all in all, the aura projected by the Parisienne, the air of
self-confidence, the way she has on everything right even if " everything "
is mussed hair and blue jeans (the " right " mussed hair and the " right "
blue jeans) is a source of endless fascination. Why does one woman spend a
fortune on a new dress and expensive jewelry and look ordinary when the
Parisienne looks terrific =AD and interesting - in a simple (but oh so well
cut) black dress with a shawl thrown negligently over her shoulders ?
We foreigners would love to find out, and this isn't recent. In the
mid-nineteenth century English writer and people-observer Fanny Trollope
wrote in Paris and the Parisians : "That manner, gait, and carriage, that
expression of movement, and, if I may say so of limbs, at once so remarkable
and so impossible to imitate, is very singular. It is in vain that all the
women of the earth come crowding to this mart of elegance."
So what are her secrets ?
She's got plenty of them. In no particular order, she's got the seven s's :
Slender : Every foreigner who travels to Paris asks the same question : how
do the Parisians get and stay so slim ? (Remember : large sizes here begin
at 14 and even a size 12 is definitely not petite). There's a quick answer
to this one. They smoke a LOT and eat next to NOTHING. Simple, n'est-ce
pas ? If you think I'm kidding, check out two Parisiennes lunching
together. There are approximately two lettuce leaves on their respective
plate and they are sipping tea while puffing away like fiends. They refuse
dessert and opt for a small strong expresso (no sugar). They also RUN a
lot, and I don't mean " jogging ". Parisiennes either take the metro to
rush to work (miles of walking the corridors of the metro does WONDERS for
the figure, you don't even need to jog on week-ends) or they drive like
maniacs. All that adrenalin burns calories.
Sensuality and sexuality : celebrate the body ! It's all great : perfume,
bubble bath, oils, fine-smelling soaps, facials, massages, pretty lingerie,
sexy shoes. No matter whether the Parisienne's budget is Monoprix or the
rue Faubourg St. Honoré, all Parisiennes are vitally attentive to every item
that makes them look good and smell good.
High-heeled shoes ? The higher the better.
Would a Parisienne not buy something which is pretty because it's
uncomfortable (for example, the high heels) ? Of course not.
Why ? "Il faut souffrir pour ètre belle." ("You have to suffer to be
beautiful", as the mother of a Southern girlfriend of mine often told her
as she was growing up. Just an aside, but I find that Southern women and
Frenchwomen have many things in common including and especially their steel
magnolia approach to life.)
Garter belts? Alluring bras and lingerie? You bet, and, I found to my
surprise, they are not reserved to pretty young things. More years ago than
I'd like to tell, I had an operation at a French hospital. I was the young
thing then and in a room with two women who are the age I am now (let's not
be coy, I was in my twenties and they were in the fifties). And who looked
better than whom? My French roommates had on lovely chiffon sleeveless
nightgowns which contrasted jarringly with my long-sleeved warm flannel
pyjamas. I was horrified and astounded. Astounded because it never occurred
to me that one didn't dress for comfort, especially in a hospital. Horrified
because I looked sooooo bad.
That long ago experience was, I believe, lesson number one in how to
approach being a Frenchwoman.
Look chic, even when lying on a hospital bed.
Savoir-faire : it's one thing to buy pretty clothes, shoes, and
accessories and another thing to put them together. The Parisienne has
perfected the art of chic. Writes fashion editor/journalist Susan Sommers
in her book French Chic, How to dress Like a Frenchwoman : "Frenchwomen
have something special. They're feminine, sure of themselves, and seem to
delight in breaking all the fashion rules, yet making it all work. "
At one afternoon tea party in Paris, I focused my attention on a lively
Frenchwoman of an indeterminate age. She was dressed in a mixture of classic
and highly-off-the-wall : high heeled black and white tennis shoes, short
white socks with ruffled tops, classic black pants topped by a well-cut
short cream colored vest with black-lined pockets trimmed with gold and
pearl buttons. On it she wore a big gold brooch studded with what looked
like black pearls. It was obviously a well-thought out outfit she had taken
great care to assemble but she wore it as if it were a second skin. After
my initial inspection, I forgot about her get-up and became interested in
what she had to say. But first impressions count, and she'd certainly made
hers !
Subtlety : Just as their dress bears a certain subtlety, so does
their way of speaking and listening. Even if you get past stages one and
two and look like a perfect Parisienne, you'll still have to learn
Parisienne-speak. Good luck ! A Parisienne can insult you without your
ever knowing it. Two weeks later you suddenly understand what the comment
was all about and where the arrow was pointed ; three weeks later you figure
out your response. Too late. You have to be on the ball to deal with a
Parisienne. Here's an example of an exchange at my local boulangerie :
Very stylish lady talking to herself : "Now what was it I wanted ?"
Salesgirl ( a tad impudent) : " If you don't know, I can't tell you."
Very stylish lady in a condescending tone with a glacial stare : "You'd
better believe you can't. "
The subtlety in that exchange came from the change of tone of voice. This
is why Parisian-speak is hard to imitate.
Street sense : For the Parisianne, the street is theatre. Everyone's
watching everyone. She knows that. Whether she's sitting at a café or
boarding a bus, she's watching other people and wants to be watched as well.
If someone catches her eye, she'll decide whether she wants to hold the gaze
or not. If no one looks, it's a bad day indeed. Parisian plastic surgeon
Dr. Fréderic Serfati, whose life is devoted to beauty, told me that he
admires la Parisienne and her way of "showing what she has". "It is",
he concedes, "... a complicated game. The Parisian woman needs to look at
others to see how they are, all the while hoping that they aren't seeing
that she's looking but are looking at her !"
Self-confidence : Even if she let you in on every single secret she has,
from the scent she is wearing to the way she ties her scarf, you won't end
up looking like her. Her "look" is a result of her self-confidence, the
way she sees herself. She's put her personal stamp on herself. No
admittance. Says one Parisienne admirer : "The Parisian woman is
conformist but likes to have that little something that makes her stand out
from everyone else." In addition to that, she's in the habit of frank
self-appraisal. What can I emphasize and what can I hide ? Many years ago
a French woman I worked with asked me if I thought she looked better in
pants or skirts. I really had given no thought to the matter, but she
obviously had. I wasn't much help to her then but I certainly would be now,
thirty years of exposure to this kind of frank self-appraisal has rubbed off!
Of course the French woman's got a little help from history here - in fact
thousands of years of French history in which women were wives and
mistresses and powers behind the throne. Frenchwomen trace their female
forebears all the way back to the Merovingiens and beyond. Ever see
Merovigian jewelry ? The woman were very coquettish, even then. Our
present day Parisienne is just naturally following in their footsteps.
In addition to her history, the Parisienne, c'est logique, has something
else : Paris. Here's how one Frenchwoman, Mady Serfati, who describes
herself as an unconditional Parisienne, feels about the relationship between
Paris, the feminine city, and the women who inhabit it : "I feel like a
woman the minute I am in Paris. Being in a city with such beautiful
architecture and surroundings makes one want to be beautiful, to shine, to
radiate, to please at any age. Paris creates an osmosis between itself and
us." At 67 Mady is a wonderful example of the chic dynamic well-dressed
Parisienne. The day we speak she's dressed in a leopard spotted jacket,
perfect fitting gray pants, and stylish flats. Not an "outfit" but
something she put together in her own way. Like the real Parisienne she is,
she looks terrific.
An American woman who has lived in France for eight years and who is the
very portrait of the independent liberated woman, told me how surprised she
was by the influence of Paris on her vision of herself: "Living in Paris
is like being in a room of wonderful furniture. You want to dress up and
look good to fit in with the surroundings !"
Different Types of Parisiennes
They may all look the same to you, universally disgustingly slim and put
together, but within the universal Parisian type are many sub-groups, easily
recognizable when you get the hang of it. There's the
BCBG (bon chic bon genre)
This Parisian lives in the chic neighborhoods of the 16th and parts of the
7th and 15th. So many of them are found in the tony arrondissements of
Neuilly, Auteuil and Passy that they have been dubbed " NAP's. Her clothes
are well-cut, but not daring. The emphasis is on being proper, not showy.
The most severe type of BCBG may sport padded headbands, kilts and deck
shoes ; the more relaxed type will try to be a bit more à la mode but never
flashy. All have a tendency toward dull, toned down colors such as bordeaux
or bottle green (for this description and some of the following, I was
inspired by Hélène and Irène Lur=E7at's handbook " Comment Devenir Une
Parisienne, Editions Parisgramme, unfortunately only in French).
The Intellectual Rive Gauche
On the other side of the Seine, in St. Germain de Près, you'll find the
left bank type, generally an intellectual working for a publisher, a
university professor or journalist. She too is chic but her look is more
casual. But don't be fooled : She may wear flats and look teacherish but
check the details for the tailoring of her jacket. It's probably a ready to
wear designer like Kenzo, Miyake, or Yoji Yamamoto, perhaps Rykiel or
Strelli, something combining classic and slightly (but not too) eccentric.
"L'Artiste"
Her stomping grounds are the artsy east end of Paris around the Bastille or
in a loft near the Canal St. Martin. Sports an original gypsy look.
Wouldn't be caught dead in a BCBG suit, and wouldn't be caught dead in the
16th arrondissement !
Show-Bizz, Jet Set, Nouveau Riche
Lives in Neuilly or the 8th or 16th but unlike the proper BCBG adores
flashy pricey clothing, and wearing handbags and T-shirts with the
designer's name splashed all over them. Spends holidays in Deauville with
all the other nouveau riche. Does her errands and trucks her kids around in
one of those awful 4x4's just what one needs for a safari en ville.
Bawls YOU out if she's double parked and you can't get out. Hair is dyed
blonde. (I wax eloquent on this type of Parisienne as I have many a time
been boxed into a parking place by them). Fascinating, but definitely not
endearing.
How to Dress, Talk and Look Like a Real Parisienne
Now here's a challenge : even if you pass the test on the dressing and
speak like a Parisienne, assuming you have an impeccable French accent and
know all the nuances, one very real problem in looking like a Parisienne is
that you don't have a French face. This is very important because the
French face goes with the French look. And the French face is closed,
reserved, composed and cool. No clean-cut spontaneous California girl look
here.
In terms of your "look" which the French pronounce "Louk", here are a
few things to pay attention to should you wish to pass for a Parisienne, or
at least not look too much like the tourist you are.
- Number One : Shoes. Yes, number one. You may be dressed in an everyday
suit or skirt and blouse or slacks but if your shoes are wrong, ie if for
example you've got on tennis shoes " to be comfortable " you're
disqualified. Some Frenchwomen do wear tennis shoes but - is this a
surprise ? - they are extremely stylish and just right with whatever else
they have on. Whether tennis shoes or high heels, la Parisienne spends an
inordinate amount of time finding exactly the right footwear. Shoes, and
the handbag (but not matching), are probably the two most essential
elements in her wardrobe.
- Number Two : When in the streets of Paris, leave your sweat pants,
polyester pants suits and practical shoes at home. When the French say, "il
faut souffrir pour ètre belle", they mean that you can't look nice if you
put comfort first. In fact, none of them have polyester pants suits in
their closets. Actually many Parisiennes do search for comfort as well.
They just manage never to look like comfort was the first concern.
- Number Three : The little basic black dress can also be the little basic
black pants suit. But very well-cut. Wear it, like the Parisienne does,
with different scarves, shoes, and jewelry. You're on your way. But you
can also totally ignore that advice and put on what you like in your own
way. I think of my Parisienne friend all decked out in her platform-heeled
tennis shoes, dressy well-cut vest, and big costume jewelry. She carried it
off, and she's in her sixties. If you've got a sense of style and the guts
to try this kind of look, you'll be très parisienne indeed. But only, of
course, if you succeed.
- Number Four : Forget the first three items. This one is capital. The
Parisian dresses well all the time, not just when she goes out. In the
States, we are much dressier when we get decked out for a formal occasion
but when we're at home, we're casual, very casual. The Parisian woman
might not get as dressed up for the dinner party (because she already looks
great !) ; on the other hand, even if she's just going to the market to
shop, she'll still put on a pair of pretty earrings or a special scarf. In
all situations, she'll make an effort to look as good as she can (following
the axiom : you never know who you'll meet).
All of the above is of course a discussion of the Parisienne as seen by
foreigners. It goes without saying that there are Parisiennes who don't fit
into any of the above categories (or don't think they do). We, though, are
talking about our ideal Parsienne, the one we all refer to when talking
about the French woman, the one we equate with style and chic.
It's a hard act to follow and some foreign women don' t want to be
Parisienne. One gaspingly beautiful statuesque graceful American woman told
me that it was " really painful " for her to try to fit into an environment
where seduction is life or death. Her advice : " You can emulate being a
Parisienne but I would suggest just remaining who you are. " (Hey, I'll
agree on that, although I always make an effort to look decent and then
some, I know I could never begin to compete with a real Parisienne, it
would take centuries). Many foreign women live in Paris for years but never
acquire that je ne sais quoi either because they don't have it and never
will or they don't want to work at it or they find it futile.
Naturally, there is more to the French woman than style and chic. What
makes her interesting is the combination of steely determination,
femininity, self-confidence, and sheer manipulation. (I always thought it
funny that the American women is very often perceived in France as a
blatantly bossy creature when in fact Frenchwomen yield so much power in
their homes. The proof ? Many, perhaps even most, Frenchwomen, hold the
family pursestrings. As Sanche de Gramont wrote in "The French, Portrait of A
People "the French woman needs no lessons when it comes to thrift, she is
an ant disguised as a butterfly". The French woman generally ends up
getting what she wants. In the end, perhaps the only difference between
French women and other women is in how they pursue their goals. In a
nutshell, French women speak softly and carry a very big stick.
So take another look at our Parisienne, whether she be a BCBG, an "artiste",
an intellectual or just herself.
She's has style and chic, but she's also got grit. That chic, charming,
subtle Parisienne is a real steel magnolia or in de Gramont's words, a woman
of "iron and velvet".
Can we emulate her ? Is there any hope for all of us non-Parisiennes out
there ? Mais bien sûr ! Says one Parisian sophisticate :
"No one is more
Parisienne than a foreigner who's understood what it is to be a Parisienne."
Formidable !
Finding out just what it's all about and pulling it off, however, could take
nothing short of a lifetime.
Harriet Welty-Rochefort, is the author of
French Toast: An American in Paris
Celebrates the Maddening Mysteries of the French, and
French Fried: The Culinary Capers of an
American in
Paris.
Both are published by St. Martin's Press.
For more of Harriet's prose on Paris, check out her
Paris Diary.
If you've had some funny, startling, satisfying, or dismaying
food experiences in France you'd like to share,
you may contact Harriet directly at
harriet.welty@hwelty.com.
Editor's Note:
Dear Readers, while our writers are always
delighted to hear and to receive comments, both about their columns in the The Paris Kiosque,
as well as your experiences in Paris,
they are unable to answer any requests
for travel information.
Thank you for your understanding.
