Letter From Paris
Paris Kiosque - November 1998 - Volume 5, Number 11
Copyright (c) 1998 Harriet Welty-Rochefort - Used with permission.
Halloween has hit France in a big way this year. All rather amazing when
you think that traditionally in France this is a day when families buy big
bouquets of crysanthemums to decorate graves and then go off to the
cemetery. Now, with "globalization" or "Americanization", Halloween has
supplanted that rather depressing day. Bookstores and pastry stores are
filled with Halloween gadgets and, as only the French can, are enticingly
beautiful even in their spookiness!
Speaking of crysanthemums, did you know that one must never, but never,
offer them as a bouquet for a dinner party? It's curious, but for some
reason, both carnations (considered to be bad luck) and mums are no-nos.
How are we poor foreigners supposed to know these things? I learned - by
osmosis - so let me give you a few pearls of wisdom on the customs of the
locals which I've come by over the years.
Drafts. The French HATE what we call a "breeze". When I open windows to
make a breeze, my French husband runs around shutting them just as fast.
You would think we were all going to die of the pest. On public
transportation, the rule is that if there is a dispute over window open,
window shut, the latter wins - even if it is boiling outside!
Showing up at a French dinner party on time. When the French invite you
for dinner and say "8 p.m.", they don't really mean 8 sharp. 8:10 is ok
although the hostess may still be putting on her makeup, 8:30 is acceptable
but starting to get late, and anything after that is pretty rude (
although allowances are made in Paris where there's always the bus that was
late, a traffic jam etc.). Since everyone dribbles in at different times,
if you show up right at 8, you may end up drinking your ap=E9ratif for a good
hour or more before getting to the table!
Helping in the kitchen. In the U.S., where things are pretty casual (or
more casual than in France in any case), we have a tendency to go help the
hostess. You can forget that in France. The dinner party is her show.
You're there to relax (but watch out, because when it's YOUR turn...see
last month's Letter from Paris on that subject).
Flowers. Yes, it's lovely to offer them especially if they are not the two
no-no flowers, and it's even better if you have them sent over AFTER the
dinner party. The ultimate chic. Why? First of all, the hostess doesn't
have to go running around to dig up a vase and second of all, your flowers
won't get compared with bouquets offered by other guests!
Drinking. The French have this incredible talent for consuming what looks
like inordinate amounts of wine and not getting drunk! I found out the
secret on that one. Women take a full glass and sip it throughout the
entire meal! As for men, I have never been to a dinner party in France in
which anyone, man or woman, got drunk. Ah, the virtues of moderation...
Serving yourself wine or champagne. Don't! And if it doesn't come your way
(and sometimes it doesn't, you'll just have to suffer in silence).
Hands. On the table? Under it? Definitely above, to avoid any suspicion
as to what might be going on if they are not visible.
Excusing yourself from the table to go to the bathroom. Don't say "Excuse
me, I'm going to the bathroom(!)". Just get up and head in the general
direction and hope you find it.
Last but not least, eating with the fingers. In the States, we rip into our
fried chicken and barbecued spare ribs as if we were still cavemen. I can
attest to the fact that the French eat pizza, chicken legs, even BANANAS (I
saw this once with my own eyes) with aknife and fork.
Not to worry if you don't get this down all pat. No one expects a non
French person to figure this out (unless of course he or she has lived here
for so many years that there's no longer any excuse).
So excuse me, I'm off to dinner. I have prepared an American dish
tonight-spare ribs, and since we have guests, I am going to have to go
practice attacking them with knife and fork.... Wish me luck.
Harriet Welty-Rochefort, a bona fide Midwesterner from
Iowa, visited Paris for the first time while in
college. She became so completely enamored of
France that she stayed - and has been there ever since.
Married to a Frenchman and the mother of two
Franco-American boys, Harriet Welty-Rochefort writes
on business, lifestyle and travel for major U.S.
publications. Her book - French Toast - is a lighthearted look at
French manners and mores.
Writes Leslie Caron: French Toast includes the most delightful barbs at France's
subtle but deep-rooted codes of behaviour...I read the book on the EuroStar between
Paris and London and wished the train had not reached its top speed of 300 kph!
Reviewed in the Los Angeles Times on January 2, 1998, French Toast
will be published in the U.S. by St. Martin's Press in January and can
now be pre-ordered at local bookstores.
Please specify that it is an upcoming
book (available January 1999). Its ISBN number is 0 312 19978 3.
You may contact Harriet directly at
101676.467@compuserve.com.
Your Hotel In Paris